Loved ones!
That last entry was rough, eh? I should tell you that things have gotten significantly better. And thank you for all your letters/notes of encouragement. Perhaps hitting that kind of low is normal...and everyone seems to deal with it in their own way. Esp. here in Korea. Frustration can manifest itself in so many ways. I grew disillusioned with my way of life, my habits, my vocation, my relationships. It was a strange and unfortunate rut to get stuck in. Wasn't appreciative of anything around me. Chose not to see the beauty in simple things. Like a child's rare perceptiveness to the world around them. Or a loving exchange between two people. Or unexpected compassion from people in positions of authority. Or bubble baths with a good novel. Or a friend's candid sense of humor. I am learning how to laugh more...how to find passion and trust in this new and strange world outside of the communities I was once so comforted by.
Yesterday I began training for a half-marathon. Race day is April 3rd. It's nice to have a goal. Also, taking a big snowboarding trip in early Feb. with some friends. Snowboarding, for me, is the absolute best natural high. Can't wait.
Also, just confirmed vacation dates with the boss, and I'll be back in the US for 10 days in July!! Woooop! That's another nice thing to look forward to.
For now, I'm a much happier, sane person, taking life one day at a time and doing my best to stay motivated and passionate. Rather than continually thinking about what's NEXT, I really am trying to be present and appreciative.
Keep a look-out for my snowboarding pics in a few weeks!
Love,
Rochelle
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
A New Years to Remember.......
Ok folks, I'm going to be honest. My time in Korea hasn't exactly been peachy keen during the past month-and-a-half. I caught the infectious boredom disease, which spiraled into minor depression, which resulted in never laughing and constantly feeling sorry for myself. A journal entry, to paint the picture:
"I have hit rock bottom. I feel ill, I can't breathe, think or communicate. My world has gone to shit. I've never been so unhappy, so unsure of myself, so lonely, so unfulfilled.
Perhaps I can look back on this and truly think to myself, 'it was worth it...because I made it worth it...' But right now being here seems like the biggest mistake I've ever made. I'm not sure how it propels me further into my goals and dreams. I can't see how it enhances personal growth. Depression is seemingly inevitable. Going from the busiest, most stimulating time in my life, to the most unfulfilling, broken, uninteresting times in life.
I KNOW I'm being pessimistic. I KNOW things will get better. I'm just generally really really sad and unfulfilled these days. Last week I hit a low that I didn't think was possible. Perhaps things will get worse before they get better. Whatever happens, I really do feel like I'm in mourning--the loss of a deep, intense relationship, re-location to an unfamiliar place, a weak social life, forced frugality (since, of course, that's why I came here in the first place), and non-existent spiritual life, and a lack of motivation I've never experienced. For the first time the thought crossed my mind to LEAVE. Go back to LA. Move to Egypt. Peace Corps. MCC. Canvass. Something. "Travel is like setting the reset button" wrote John, a travel writer while in Morocco.
Maybe reset button is being pressed, too. But at the moment, I actually strongly dislike my life here in Ulsan, South Korea. "
[end]
Whoa. So, that was the beginning of December. Before I discovered an organization called WWOOF--World Wide Opportunities On Organic Farms. Check it out: www.wwoof.org
I just spent the past four days with a Korean couple living in rural Pusan, at their herb garden. The following is my account of the experience:
Day 1, Dec 31, almost midnight...
It began with a bus ride to Pusan--asleep the whole way. Then a subway trip half awake, then a bus trip up the hill to Dungi Medical Center, my host mom's hospital; she's a nurse. She gave me a tour-rehibilitation center, a few co-workers. She's been at the hospital for 20 years. After the hospital we went to City Hall where we met her husband. As we saw him approach, she said "my husband has brain like a baby." Heh. She and I walked arm in arm all the way to the car.
"Choooua!" (Cold!) We then drove up the side of a mountain and saw the most gorgeous panaramic view of Pusan. Captivating--it absolutely took my breath away...that or the harsh winds. After, we went out for sahsimi with mom's ENTIRE family--g-pa, sister, niece, BABY. That was a nice touch. Our meal was complete with oyseter, clam, raw every-other-kind-of-fish. Kimchi, Kimbap, fish soup. Whew! And loads of red pepper paste. The whole time I kept telling myself "strong stomach...strong stomach." It worked. Was apprehensive since two days ago I had the stomach flu. After dinner we drove through town, all the way to the outskirts of the MASSIVE indoor herb garden. First thing we do: take a 30 minute rest in their traditional hand-made Korean hut. Papa built it in three days. Naturally heated floor, made of a yellow-ish sand material. Me and mom shared stories about our siblings over a few clementines. She says they usually have their friends over in it and share stories late into the evening, over soju and then all fall asleep. Mom is a super nurturing, mellow woman. Dad is a retired IRS agent, who enjoys laughing and using his limited broken English. They are a fabulous pair. Their home is LARGE. Huge open living room with a flat screen and enormous chandellier. Artifacts from all over Asia hang from the walls and adorn 
every surface, in a classy way. One has to wonder, how on a nurse and IRS agent's salary they can afford it...perhaps cause its in a rural area. I am sleeping in the guest bed, whilst (I never use that word haha) they've taken the hut outside. Tomorrow we're going on a 6am hike! Heaven help me...with my sleeping habits, this will be interesting. I FINALLY feel like I can breathe. Smile. Think normal thoughts. Be challenged--my perceptions of Korea and Koreans changes with every interaction, every exchange, and its good for me. For while there I was becoming quite the xenophobic ass.
May the next three days be educational, fulfilling and bring new perspective.
I am thankful. So thankful, I started tearing up in the car as we were comind down off the mountain. The Creator picked me up and dusted me off in my time of need. Once again.
Happy New Year! 2010!
Day 2--Jan 1
She's an aquarius; he's cancer. Found that out on our hike up to an observatory to ring in the new year. Today:
-Woke up 6am
-Drove in the dark to a mountain where hundreds of people already began their hike
-Got to the top and watched the sunrise and the release of hundreds of balloons. Epic.
-Restaraunt-traditional New Year's soup
-Jim Jil Bong (public bath). Ang-do exfoliated me...just like the other mothers I've seen do to their daughters. I felt so special and pampered. Ang-do is tough as nails, that woman. Switching between scaulding hot water to ice-cold freezing water. I woulda passed out.
-After JJB went home and slept for 2 hours in the "natural hut." Was incredible.
-Woke up. Wandered the garden and took pictures.
-Then we cooked. Fried eggs, cheese slices, beets, apples, almonds, makali (rice wine), date tea, pastries, and hommade kimchi with rosemary from the garden...a nice touch to the otherwise spicy fermented taste.
-After eating , we took a LONG bus ride to the city--Po Dong (?) and walked hand in hand through the massive bazaar eating street food, and caught a view of the fish market (which
promptly helped me decide that as soon as I step foot out of Korea I'm going from pesci to veggi. No ifs, ands, or buts about it). Ang-do bought me lepard patterned leggings...my new favorite article of clothing.
-We saw Sherlock Holmes. Not bad.
-Then we caught a taxi to the subway station where me and Ang-do salsa danced as we waited for the tram. Tee Hee.
I'm spent.
Ang-do was complaining about the shape of her eyes...saying mine were "big!" and hers were "small!" So we switched eyes, and here is the outcome.
Day 3, Jan 2
Sitting with the bro (Ang-do's nephew came for a visit), watching Korean sitcomns. For some reason, I've got this massive headache. Altitude changes, perhpaps. Tonight is my last night
here...I will miss them. I'm not ready to go back. This truly is the life I want...simple pleasures like persimmon tea and roasted sweet potatoes. Pleasures like waking up to smiling faces enjoying a meal together. Like harvesting veggies and eating it in our meal 20 minutes later. Like taking naps in hand-constructed huts and going to public baths and being laughed at for my squemishness in the cold tub. Like being put in situations where adaptibility is required. Like hiking up mountains and enjoying chinese tea at the top. And sipping hommade brewed wine. Like mending the herb garden.
Today we went on a hike again to a Buddhist Temple, Un Ha Sa. We went to the public bath
again, soooo nice. And went to Ang-do's friends' restaraunt for bimibap (rice and veggie dish)...best I've had in Korea...until Ang-do decided to sprinkle tiny silver anchovies all over my dish as a garnish :-)
This weekend was everything I've needed and more.
Goodnight and much love from Ulsan,
Rochelle
"I have hit rock bottom. I feel ill, I can't breathe, think or communicate. My world has gone to shit. I've never been so unhappy, so unsure of myself, so lonely, so unfulfilled.
Perhaps I can look back on this and truly think to myself, 'it was worth it...because I made it worth it...' But right now being here seems like the biggest mistake I've ever made. I'm not sure how it propels me further into my goals and dreams. I can't see how it enhances personal growth. Depression is seemingly inevitable. Going from the busiest, most stimulating time in my life, to the most unfulfilling, broken, uninteresting times in life.
I KNOW I'm being pessimistic. I KNOW things will get better. I'm just generally really really sad and unfulfilled these days. Last week I hit a low that I didn't think was possible. Perhaps things will get worse before they get better. Whatever happens, I really do feel like I'm in mourning--the loss of a deep, intense relationship, re-location to an unfamiliar place, a weak social life, forced frugality (since, of course, that's why I came here in the first place), and non-existent spiritual life, and a lack of motivation I've never experienced. For the first time the thought crossed my mind to LEAVE. Go back to LA. Move to Egypt. Peace Corps. MCC. Canvass. Something. "Travel is like setting the reset button" wrote John, a travel writer while in Morocco.
Maybe reset button is being pressed, too. But at the moment, I actually strongly dislike my life here in Ulsan, South Korea. "
[end]
Whoa. So, that was the beginning of December. Before I discovered an organization called WWOOF--World Wide Opportunities On Organic Farms. Check it out: www.wwoof.org
I just spent the past four days with a Korean couple living in rural Pusan, at their herb garden. The following is my account of the experience:
Day 1, Dec 31, almost midnight...
It began with a bus ride to Pusan--asleep the whole way. Then a subway trip half awake, then a bus trip up the hill to Dungi Medical Center, my host mom's hospital; she's a nurse. She gave me a tour-rehibilitation center, a few co-workers. She's been at the hospital for 20 years. After the hospital we went to City Hall where we met her husband. As we saw him approach, she said "my husband has brain like a baby." Heh. She and I walked arm in arm all the way to the car.
"Choooua!" (Cold!) We then drove up the side of a mountain and saw the most gorgeous panaramic view of Pusan. Captivating--it absolutely took my breath away...that or the harsh winds. After, we went out for sahsimi with mom's ENTIRE family--g-pa, sister, niece, BABY. That was a nice touch. Our meal was complete with oyseter, clam, raw every-other-kind-of-fish. Kimchi, Kimbap, fish soup. Whew! And loads of red pepper paste. The whole time I kept telling myself "strong stomach...strong stomach." It worked. Was apprehensive since two days ago I had the stomach flu. After dinner we drove through town, all the way to the outskirts of the MASSIVE indoor herb garden. First thing we do: take a 30 minute rest in their traditional hand-made Korean hut. Papa built it in three days. Naturally heated floor, made of a yellow-ish sand material. Me and mom shared stories about our siblings over a few clementines. She says they usually have their friends over in it and share stories late into the evening, over soju and then all fall asleep. Mom is a super nurturing, mellow woman. Dad is a retired IRS agent, who enjoys laughing and using his limited broken English. They are a fabulous pair. Their home is LARGE. Huge open living room with a flat screen and enormous chandellier. Artifacts from all over Asia hang from the walls and adorn 
every surface, in a classy way. One has to wonder, how on a nurse and IRS agent's salary they can afford it...perhaps cause its in a rural area. I am sleeping in the guest bed, whilst (I never use that word haha) they've taken the hut outside. Tomorrow we're going on a 6am hike! Heaven help me...with my sleeping habits, this will be interesting. I FINALLY feel like I can breathe. Smile. Think normal thoughts. Be challenged--my perceptions of Korea and Koreans changes with every interaction, every exchange, and its good for me. For while there I was becoming quite the xenophobic ass.
May the next three days be educational, fulfilling and bring new perspective.I am thankful. So thankful, I started tearing up in the car as we were comind down off the mountain. The Creator picked me up and dusted me off in my time of need. Once again.
Happy New Year! 2010!
Day 2--Jan 1
She's an aquarius; he's cancer. Found that out on our hike up to an observatory to ring in the new year. Today:
-Woke up 6am
-Drove in the dark to a mountain where hundreds of people already began their hike-Got to the top and watched the sunrise and the release of hundreds of balloons. Epic.
-Restaraunt-traditional New Year's soup
-Jim Jil Bong (public bath). Ang-do exfoliated me...just like the other mothers I've seen do to their daughters. I felt so special and pampered. Ang-do is tough as nails, that woman. Switching between scaulding hot water to ice-cold freezing water. I woulda passed out.
-After JJB went home and slept for 2 hours in the "natural hut." Was incredible.
-Woke up. Wandered the garden and took pictures.
-Then we cooked. Fried eggs, cheese slices, beets, apples, almonds, makali (rice wine), date tea, pastries, and hommade kimchi with rosemary from the garden...a nice touch to the otherwise spicy fermented taste.
-After eating , we took a LONG bus ride to the city--Po Dong (?) and walked hand in hand through the massive bazaar eating street food, and caught a view of the fish market (which
promptly helped me decide that as soon as I step foot out of Korea I'm going from pesci to veggi. No ifs, ands, or buts about it). Ang-do bought me lepard patterned leggings...my new favorite article of clothing.-We saw Sherlock Holmes. Not bad.
-Then we caught a taxi to the subway station where me and Ang-do salsa danced as we waited for the tram. Tee Hee.
I'm spent.
Ang-do was complaining about the shape of her eyes...saying mine were "big!" and hers were "small!" So we switched eyes, and here is the outcome.
Day 3, Jan 2
Sitting with the bro (Ang-do's nephew came for a visit), watching Korean sitcomns. For some reason, I've got this massive headache. Altitude changes, perhpaps. Tonight is my last night
here...I will miss them. I'm not ready to go back. This truly is the life I want...simple pleasures like persimmon tea and roasted sweet potatoes. Pleasures like waking up to smiling faces enjoying a meal together. Like harvesting veggies and eating it in our meal 20 minutes later. Like taking naps in hand-constructed huts and going to public baths and being laughed at for my squemishness in the cold tub. Like being put in situations where adaptibility is required. Like hiking up mountains and enjoying chinese tea at the top. And sipping hommade brewed wine. Like mending the herb garden.Today we went on a hike again to a Buddhist Temple, Un Ha Sa. We went to the public bath
again, soooo nice. And went to Ang-do's friends' restaraunt for bimibap (rice and veggie dish)...best I've had in Korea...until Ang-do decided to sprinkle tiny silver anchovies all over my dish as a garnish :-)This weekend was everything I've needed and more.
Goodnight and much love from Ulsan,
Rochelle
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